The Wine Blokes

Last night having dinner with some friends someone started on the subject of the wine wanker. He works at a wine retail store in the city and and has to deal with them all the time, including some of his fellow employees.

Having an online retail model such as The Wine Blokes UK Wine Shop and Australian & New Zealand WIne Stores, we seldom have to deal face to face with the wine wanker, short of replying to a few emails every now and then to answer questions on descriptors for certain wines and discussions on why the $90 bottle was so much better than the $15 dollar bottle. In the wine industry, you cannot help but bump into them occasionally.

How do you class someone as a wine wanker?? You know the type. You’re out at dinner with friends at a restaurant or dinner party, and there is someone who tends to not let go of the wine list, tells everyone how much they know about wine, what should be chosen, when to drink it, whether it smells of roses or newly polished timber floors.

In my experience, most wine wankers follow the crowd, and tend toward the most expensive, least interesting wines.  They also tend to be great at remembering wine labels, who the winemaker is, what score Robert Parker gave the wine. Seldom do they actually remember what the wine tasted like, and ask them what variety, varieties or region, and they’ll bumble out some contrived over the top answer. If you’re a wine wanker, when all else fails, bamboozle them with bullshit, and you’ll be OK.

What is it about wine that attracts the wanker type? Wine is such a subjective concept, where there are generally no right or wong answers.  Everybody has differing opinions and tastes, so bullshit and wankerism flourishes.

I generally don’t mind wine wankers, and even humour them and massage their egos sometimes. It’s one reason why the wine industry is such an interesting and enjoyable industry to be involved in.